Beginning Again

I have been an addict in one way or another, my entire life. It was only when I started using harder drugs daily that I realized I needed help and over the course of the next six years most of my time was spent in and out of treatment.

In March 2014, after completing the 28 day program at River House, I was accepted into Tamarack. I always heard about how Tamarack was a good place to go and I chose Tamarack because, with my history of being in and out of treatment, I knew I needed more than a 28 day program. I just wanted a better chance at sobriety.

Maybe I wasn’t completely ready, but just after starting treatment at Tamarack, I found out that my partner had relapsed and within a couple of days I was back using as well. And out of treatment again.

Eight months later I came back to finish what I started. But this time I was pregnant.

I admit it was hard to stop using when I found out I was expecting, but once I got into detox it was easier. From detox I went to Anchorage for the fourth time and then came back to Tamarack to pick up where I left off.

From the time I was in detox, Tamarack stayed connected and worked with me until the day I came back. They had a place for me and they didn’t give up on me.

I think being pregnant was the big difference in how I approached treatment this time and I also have two other children who I realized need me sober. Being pregnant in treatment I think made it easier for me in some ways; it gave me a focus…something bigger than myself.

My daughter is 5 weeks old now and I am still sober. Although I catch myself still thinking about using from time to time, I know it isn’t an option.

For now I am just trying to get housing for my daughter and I. Having been in detox, treatment and Villa Rosa, I now just want to settle somewhere with my baby and then start to work out something with my ex so my other two daughters can spend time with us as well.

Once my daughter is about a year old I either want to go to school or go back to work, maybe further my education, maybe work with people who have addiction issues.

Looking ahead, I hope my children are happy…and that they don’t have to go through what I have put them through again. My biggest hope is to stay sober. For myself and my children.

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